Tag Archive | reflection

Birthdays Come with An Expiration Date!

Mar27

Today is my birthday. Another year that I question why I haven’t done more, seen more, lived more…just more! What is holding me back.  I look younger than my actual years, have the energy of a 30-year-old and desire to live life to its fullest, so what is holding me back from doing more.

Over the past 10 years, the weeks leading up to my birthday were met with either dread or excitement. Unfortunately, this year’s feelings fell into the first category.  Each birthday comes with a reminder that my time to do something extraordinary with my life is dwindling.  I wish I knew what I was supposed to be doing, what am I holding myself back from ?

I am a Certified Project Manager by trade, pretty darn good if I say so myself,  that is my occupation.  I am not sure if my occupation, which I enjoy, is the same as my life’s passion.  Is my occupation the thing that fulfills that emptiness that comes with not doing your passion, your God-given talent.  Maybe for some their occupation is their passion, I am not sure if that is the case for me.

Birthdays that fall into the category of feeling dreadful normally end with me vowing to make a change to stop looking at what I haven’t accomplished and focus on what I have.  I realized last night that yes I recognize where I am, but I need to stop pacifying myself during my depressing times by saying that I am ok with where I am.  Each time I tell myself that I am ok with where that I am, I am lying to myself because the feelings of dread is still somewhere deep within. Even on those birthdays that are met with excitement, that is generally because I am going someplace to celebrate my birthday but it is not because I felt that I was living to my potential. The birthday excitement is short-lived.

I can’t say that I have the answers to what I am supposed to be doing, my passion, but I can say that I will keep trying until I figure it out. I don’t have the answers to how I will figure it out but I will keep trying until I do. Lying to myself is not an option any longer, life on earth has an expiration date on it and I want to make sure that I live my passion before it expires.

Moving Beyond Regrets

Aug4

We all have things in our lives that we regret, wish we had done differently or wish a situation turned out differently.  If you have no regrets, good for you – move to the next post in my blog!  I have regrets, some are as a result of actions that took place over 20 years ago but the pain of some of those regrets are still very fresh.

I have been trying to move beyond my regrets because I know that in some ways they are holding me back, it is occupying space within me that could be taken up by something more joyful.  I was never quite clear on how to move past them, admittedly I didn’t try to hard to figure it out because unconsciously I believe a part of me started to feel comfortable in the pity parties that came with my regrets.

One day I got tired of the mental baggage that came with my regrets, it was an all of a sudden moment.  I woke one morning and said that it has to be more to my life besides my past mistakes, I asked myself the question – how do I get past them?  The answer for me was simple: Acknowledge It, Forgive It, and Move Past It. Continue reading →